I had a dream this morning where it was my duty to destroy YouTube. And then I got up and watched Elizabeth. Are they in some way connected?

Yesterday being Jack Spicer's birthday, I had the traditional potato chips with sour cream and onion dip.

Lately I'm getting peeved at people who don't dress for the weather. Last night, ok the temp did drop 30-something degrees in 12 hours but still, that's your springtime frat boy outfit, you have to winterize your frat boy ecoutrement for January bro! Don't wear a Vols cap and spring jacket.

And maybe since I last posted, I've become the type of person who blogs about spring jackets and scolds underdressd young people.

This past weekend it was wonderful to see Robert J. Baumann, who brought with him fellow Kansans (is that right?) Robert Knapp, Gabe Holcombe and Chloe Jones for Woody P marathon. Highlights included Baumann's Miranda July soul-fantasy, Karl Saffran's Maximus remixes, and Karl Gartung putting me in my place by reminding me "you should never take WCW in vain". Because just prior to that I'd been shaking my fist at the ceiling screaming "Damn you Williams! Damn you to hell!" Also there was me asking how I'm supposed stir a very hot beverage with no a stick and Chuck replying "convection".

I'm doing a music blog now.

This is a picture of Close Gauge Petcock which is now available. What is it? Words. About 18 pages of them. Pure. Unadulterated. And the author is Mike Hauser, who is me. I'm soon setting up a PayPal account to sell this through, but for now you have to contact me at flabscoresbig@yahoo.com if you want a copy and I will tell you where to send $4, if you trust me.

Since you're probably tired of linking over to this thing and seeing Richard Mulligan (RIP) and his Empty Nest "I'm not comfortable with the men my daughters are seeing" look, I will say that last night I saw There Will Be Blood, and it's pretty fucking incredible. I don't normally like overtly serious American films, but PT Anderson's films encompass enough of the range of humanity that can come through the screen- frailty, vulnerability, delusion, among many other things- to pull off a film like this. And then there's Daniel Day Lewis, whose character is almost like this half-corporeal essence glaring out of the film at you. The more an actor can do with little- facial expression, posture, a menacing gait, annunciation- says something about what makes them worth watching, no? Something I've noticed about PT Anderson is that his films can be both as austere as Kubrick and as open and allowable to human frailty as Cassevetes. It's always kind of a jarring juxtaposition, but jarring in a good way. I guess I'm thinking here of Magnolia which I heard accurately described as something like a huge, messy, flowering of a film where everyone ends up covered in frog blood but also of this film. And one of the amazing things about TWBB is that, unlike Magnolia's glorious messiness, there's nothing I can think of that's wrong with TWBB. I might have to see it again, after that I might not think it's an absolutely perfect film, but for now that's how I feel.

That reminds of my short stint on Empty Nest, a sort of reprise of the Trendee McDonaghee character. Only this time the character was named Chazzie. Apparently Nest creator Susan Harris had seen the erotic cake episode of Night Court and been pretty impressed with my work. So she called to say she'd written this part for me, a performance artist/provocateur who was briefly in a relationship with the character of Officer Barbara Weston, and also whom no retired doctor in his right mind would want near one of his daughters. Among Chazzie's shenanigans was standing in front of a local Arby's and rapping the menu, wearing a fake gerri-curl and a large sign that said No Blood For Schmoil. At the conclusion of that episode Chazzie is arrested by an understandably mortified Officer Weston.

As time went on however, they found they had increasing difficulty distinguishing my "space cadet" from that of David Leisure's over-sexed neighbor Charley Deitz, and after about 4 episodes had my character ship off to Poland to stalk Lech Walensa.

From a 1984 appearance on Night Court, where I appeared as Trendee McDonaghee, poetry prankster and erotic cake maker. Here Dan Fielding, played exquisitely by John Larroquette, views a "Horny Haiku" cake sent to him by my character for successfuly defending a public indecency charge.

"Hey."
(Leans forward, chuckling a little, fondling Mondrian bow-tie)

I've noticed that in trying not to make sense, certain words keep showing up like "ratio" "cornicopia" "trunk" and "dean's list".