Paralysis

I've been paralyzed from doing any kind of blogging outside event-posting, appreciative linking or solicitation of sponsorship for a certain worthy cause in the past few weeks. Maybe it's feelings of nervous chest-weirdness, but that hasn't stopped this particular activity recently. Most people have probably stopped checking this blog, I'd say 8 out of the 11 people who've read this blog have probably given up on it, and the rest are stalking me. I have an extremely irrational inner monologue. And I think it's the one I've had for awhile. And so when I start to blog, it turns into what is called "stinking thinking", and what else would I expect to come out. It's extremely hard to express this, because I don't want to bring anyone down, or creep anyone out. I'll read this in the future and cringe, though that's not so unusual. There is something either in the spontaneous nature of this activity, or in my own anticipation of how others will receive it that paralyzes most any expression of it, the thing, whatever this blog is for. I originally started doing this blog and eventually focusing mainly on it in lieu of another blog that's still up and has a large output that anyone could look at called dodo with the idea of developing my own critical writing, or having a body of critical writing. I think this blog for the most part fails in that respect. It has other qualities. Poetry, and other "arts" do have a huge impact on my life. Besides the people who I consider closest to me, they are the main influence on my life. But I find that when I try to write about poetry for instance, I am almost completely unable to articulate why it's so important. Which seems like it might be a good skill to have. I once heard the phrase "articulation anxiety", and without having any idea whether that phrase has a larger context or not (you're gonna tell me that it's from some writer who I'm totally embarrassed to be referencing), I think that's what it is. I promise not to take this post down, even though I'm no longer sure even now as I'm revising it a few minutes after the fact what it's for.