Thursday, March 13, 2008

Curb Store

What if there were a place that sold curbs called the Curb Store? And this store would sell several different kinds of curbs. It would sell the curbs that, say, are right outside your house, if you live in the city. You could, upon entering The Curb Store, browse several curbs all in a row, each differentiated by size, hue and place of origin. Curbs from New Mexico would be the most valuable, while curbs from New Jersey would be the least valuable. Curbs from New Jersey would probably carry a stigma, cheap, low-grade, only for poor people etc. Eventually curbs from the United States would be outsourced, making those considerations completely moot. People would soon find themselves buying curbs from places they had only previously heard of in filmstrips and postcards, only had any inkling of by seeing them depicted on vintage wallpaper.

These stores would also sell the curbs that come in verb form, say, if you wanted some feeling or sensation to be attenuated or toned down you could put in an order for a "curb action". These "curb actions" would have to be regulated by the government and would be protected under the Second Amendment. The waiting period for such a "curb action" would be 3 to 4 weeks. And in the midst of this waiting period, whatever feeling one wanted "curbed" would slowly dissipate and turn into something else. But this would not stop some people from using curbs for very evil purposes. Some would use curbs to hurt others. And these people would become "criminals" "branded" as such. They would (ideally, this is civilization people!) lose any and all access to curbs for life. And this would be very hard for them because TV shows and commercials would continue to glorify the many uses, both good and evil, of the curb. But everyone, through some vague uncurbable feeling of unanimity, would accept that curbs are a part of life, like waiting for snow to melt and for the UPS man to arrive, which he never does.

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